Commonwealth Star Struck

I have noticed since being back in Australian that Aussies are actually more obsessed with celebrities than Americans - something I never thought possible because of the infamous Australian "tall poppy syndrome". But I'm beginning to realize, that over here the fetish is for different reasons.

Americans are essentially (I will continue to generalize insultingly here) panderers. In the land of Uncle Sam the celebrities - and they have made quite a few of them - are like royalty. Yanks will stand in the cold for hours just to get a glimpse of George Clooney getting into his car; and become hopelessly incapable of speaking intelligently if he actually looks them in the eye. Americans love to celebrity watch - to know every minutia of their favorite star's life - because it is a sort of pornography - a means of living out their fantasies by proxy. Their stars are their heroes and, as such, the media takes advantage of them before, ultimately, ignoring them. For Australians - the cutters down of tall poppies - things are almost the reverse.

On the radio this morning stories were told about an after-event party at which Moby, who was recently touring Australia, tried to take advantage of his celebrity status on at least two occasions and was hotly rebuffed - by mere plebs, mind you - with something to the effect of, "I don't care who the F--k you are, you can shove it..." Another series of radio anecdotes involved women who had compromised their taste in men to have relations with celebrities. Invariably, the women laughed at themselves for this and, rather than revelling in their exalted connections, made unflattering jokes about the pop-star in question. To me, these are excellent examples of the no-nonsense, a-man's-a-man approach that Aussies take to everything.

On the other hand, you have the first 12 - count them, 12 - pages of one of the major Melbourne newspapers dedicated to Kylie Minogue's breast cancer revelation and an entire ward of a hospital cleared out to give her some "breathing room" while undergoing tests. Not only that, but the news in general and on a consistent basis is about 40% celebrity related, stars are a primary topic of Australian small talk (almost eclipsing the weather) and the visit of a big star to Australia or the success of an Australian star overseas are both central sources of national pride. The two attitudes don't add up.

I think there are three things at work. First, Australians, as a small and sporty nation, need to treat anyone from Australia who achieves anything overseas as though they were a travelling unit of a massive international sports team - the team's membership consisting of everyone in this country. Kate Blanchett at the academy awards is "Aussies' Best Hopes for Academy Gold" and the recently convicted Bali drug smuggler, Chappelle Corby, is an unlucky player who has been given an unfavourable call by the umpire - abusive screaming at his incompetence duly following. Second, Aussies love scandals and outrages at which they can wag a superior finger and these are most easily found in public figures. While Americans tend to build themselves up by wishing they were Russel Crowe, Australians do it by complaining about what a sot he can be - essentially telling themselves that, although RC is a superior human being, "I'm actually better than he is". Third, what good is tall poppy syndrome if there aren't any tall poppies? I suspect an unconscious need to idolize, obssess over and continually ratify celebrities simply to prevent a shortage of people to shake a wizened head at.

If you take all these needs and tendencies into consideration, it's actually not hard to see why Australians are so star-struck. In Oz, the rich and famous are doing triple duty.